there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
