You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize