my sisters under your porch take her home
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
