I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
