There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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