Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
