You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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