i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
