I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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