david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
