Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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