In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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