So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.