big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I looked at my own cervix.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
