i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
