she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
