I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
