just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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