Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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