Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
