DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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