well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
