So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Every concussion has its silver lining
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
