It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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