Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I still have a little drunk in my system
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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