I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
