Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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