So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
