Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
