thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize
