We named our party play list daddy issues
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
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