Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
