I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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