You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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