I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
