well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
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I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
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ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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