So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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