Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
