I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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