She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
