Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
