Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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