Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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