Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
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