OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Randomize
