I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
