dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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