So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
