They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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