My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
