I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
