I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
