I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
