soooo we both peed the bed last night...
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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