found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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