I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
that is very illegal...i love you.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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