I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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