Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
