I'm jealous of your bromance
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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