i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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