Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
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