My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
