Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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