Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla