I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit