I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
27 Parents Confess Shocking Secrets Their Kids Don’t Know
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night