FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no